Silentium Amoris
by blackkisbackk
Summary: After a night of truth or dare, feelings are exposed. Mostly Drama/Romance with a bit of humor mixed in. Explicit content.
1. Truth or Dare

_As often-times the too resplendent sun__  
><em>_Hurries the pallid and reluctant moon__  
><em>_Back to her sombre cave, ere she hath won__  
><em>_A single ballad from the nightingale,__  
><em>_So doth thy Beauty make my lips to fail,__  
><em>_And all my sweetest singing out of tune._

_And as at dawn across the level mead__  
><em>_On wings impetuous some wind will come,__  
><em>_And with its too harsh kisses break the reed__  
><em>_Which was its only instrument of song,__  
><em>_So my too stormy passions work me wrong,__  
><em>_And for excess of Love my Love is dumb._

_But surely unto Thee mine eyes did show__  
><em>_Why I am silent, and my lute unstrung;__  
><em>_Else it were better we should part, and go,__  
><em>_Thou to some lips of sweeter melody,__  
><em>_And I to nurse the barren memory__  
><em>_Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung._

_-Silentium Amoris by Oscar Wilde_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Truth or Dare<strong>

"Truth."

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

Remus Lupin leaned forward and grudgingly picked up his glass of firewhiskey and took a large swig. His dark haired, gray eyed companion barked out a short laugh and shook his head. Remus and Sirius were alone during the middle of the holidays, sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Opting as usual not to return to the Noble and Ancient House of Black and turning down the Potters' offer to spend the holidays with them, Sirius was grateful that his lycanthropic friend had chosen to remain at Hogwarts for the holidays. Sirius had worried that it would just be just himself and the Fat Lady to keep him company, but Remus's parents decided this winter to take the honeymoon they'd never had after years of saving up. Remus had finished all of his work early on in the holidays, and Sirius had opted to wait until the last possible chance to complete all of his, so both boys were shrouded in boredom on this blistery winter evening. Sirius, hearing of this game from a muggle-born sixth year a few weeks ago, thought that there could be no better way to spend his time than to coerce his reserved friend into spilling his inner most secrets.

Now in their seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, each boy already knew a great deal about the other, but Sirius was certain there were things Remus had kept from him over the years, and there were even some specific events that Sirius wanted to get to the bottom of. Sirius, of course, had decided the rules of the game. They would give each other the truth or the dare, and if the other refused to take it, they would have to take a large drink of the more "adult" beverages that Sirius had swiped from his parents' cupboard over the summer in order to stock up at Hogwarts. Sirius, however, was not necessarily adhering to the rules of the game—on his own accord, he had already consumed almost half a bottle of firewhiskey on his own and a significant amount of mulled mead and was now more than a little bit impaired. To Sirius's delight and shock, Remus had divulged much more than expected and was only feeling minor effects of the firewhiskey that he had been drinking.

Remus was sitting on a short sofa in front of the fire with his legs crossed in front of him. After he had asked Remus his most recent "truth," Sirius had taken the bottle of firewhiskey in his fist and laid his body flat in front of the fire. It was a comical sight to Remus. A bottle of firewhiskey in one hand and the other hand behind his head, Sirius looked extremely contented lounging on his back in front of the cozy fire. Remus noticed the way Sirius's plain, dark gray muggle t-shirt clung to his stomach as he lay on his back, showing off his toned torso as well as accenting his gray eyes. Remus quickly, however, took his mind off of Sirius and began to focus on the task at hand.

"Get over yourself," he told Sirius with a large eye roll. "Truth or dare?"

"Hmm," Sirius thought for a moment about choosing dare, but he hadn't had quite enough firewhiskey for that, so instead he went with—"Truth."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Sirius nearly choked on the firewhiskey that he had just taken a swig of the moment before Remus asked the question. When they had begun this game only about an hour ago, Sirius had never expected Remus to take it to the level that he had, but he had to hand it to Remus; the werewolf was giving him a run for his money. Unwilling and perhaps unable to answer the question, Sirius tipped the bottle he was drinking from further back and took a large drink. The liquid burned his throat going down, but when he finished taking the drink, he smiled at Remus.

"Quite the question," he said with a smirk.

"Quite the reaction," Remus said in response. After a moment, he continued, "Is that because you've never been in love or is it because you have been and you're embarrassed to say who with, or…?" Remus's eyes widened in understanding. "You're in love now."

"Take it easy, Moony," Sirius slurred with an eye roll. He was significantly more impaired than Remus and the effects were beginning to show. "You get one question at a time." Sirius yawned widely and stretched his body before him as he thought of his next question. Even in his state, Sirius was not quite ready to choose dare, so he knew that Remus would not venture. "Truth or dare?" Sirius asked.

"Truth," Remus said without a moment's thought.

Sirius chuckled before he asked his question. "Have you ever had a… an inappropriate dream about a professor?" he asked.

Even in the dimly lit common room, Sirius could see Remus's face flush in the light of the fire. Sirius could not tell if he would answer or drink, but either way, in these last few seconds, Remus had already betrayed himself. "Last year…" Remus began. Sirius sat up and crossed his legs, leaning forward with a broad smile on his face. He looked like a child listening intently to a story with his elbows rested on his knees and his head cradled in the palms of his hands. "It was after a full moon… I was sleeping in the hospital wing—you know, those sleeping draughts Pomfrey gives me are really powerful. They make me dream the craziest things—"

"To the point, mate," Sirius interrupted.

"It was… Professor…" Remus thought about just taking a drink of his firewhiskey and moving on, but he already begun to dig his hole. "It was Kettleburn."

The look on Sirius's face would have been amusing to Remus if Remus had not been so mortified with embarrassment. "Kettleburn?" Sirius choked. Silvanus Kettleburn was the rugged Care of Magical Creatures professor at Hogwarts, and a somewhat young and—Sirius had to admit—handsome man. He had a sabretooth earring and typically wore magical creature skin as his clothing during their lessons. Despite his qualities, Sirius was in a state of shock about Remus's confession for a few reasons. First of all, the fact that Kettleburn was male, and second of all, the fact that Remus had had a fantasy about someone like Kettleburn, rather than McGonagall or Pince—both smart and stern. Even Pomfrey would not have been too big a stretch of the imagination. Sirius was speechless.

"Look, we can't control what we dream!" Remus said quickly. "I was heavily sedated, and we'd just had double Care of Magical Creatures that day. And Kettleburn is nice, and outdoorsy—"

"And male and totally unlike you or your taste," Sirius finally found words. If it was possible, the blush on Remus's face deepened.

"What do you mean, 'my taste'?" Remus asked, slightly defensively.

"You like girls, and you like 'em like you, mate," Sirius shrugged. "Like Ambral," Sirius said, referencing a girl Remus had gone on a few dates with in fifth year. "You know, bookish," he said. "I was thinking McGonagall or maybe Pomfrey—"

"Pomfrey!" Remus said, getting some of his confidence back. "Come on, Sirius, give me a little more credit."

"Well, I don't know, she's got that caretaker thing, and you spend a lot of time with her—"

"She's snappy and high-strung and homely," Remus said, shaking his head.

"But female!" Sirius said as he threw his hands out in front of him dramatically.

Remus dropped his eyes to the floor. Eager to change the subject, he said, "Truth or dare?"

For another hour, Remus and Sirius asked each other more silly and intimate questions about their lives. Although when they began this night, Sirius thought he knew everything there was to know about Remus (after finding out he was a werewolf, what more could there be?), he was proven wrong. He found out that Remus could play the violin (a muggle musical instrument), and that years ago when he would get bored and lonely on summer days on his parents' farm, he would run around their land naked, just hoping that someone would notice him. He would finally give up, however, and swim naked in the lake near his small farm house, taking satisfaction in knowing that he was doing something naughty, even if no one else was around to see him. Remus found out that Sirius had never gone all the way with a girl, but that he had done everything but that last step, and that he had once kissed a boy when he was much younger in order to get practice. He also learned that Sirius was afraid of worms. "It's the way they move," Sirius had explained.

It was just past midnight, and while Sirius was still much further along in his drinking than Remus, both boys were sufficiently under the influence. Remus had just asked Sirius that infamous question—truth or dare?

Sirius finished off the large bottle of mead he had been nursing and stood up. He swayed on the spot, and Remus reached his arms out to catch him if he was going to fall. Sirius was able to keep his balance on his own, however, and he planted his feet firmly to the ground.

"Dare," Sirius said. A wicked grin slid across his face.

Remus rubbed his hands together excitedly. Earlier in the night he had learned that the previous summer, James and Sirius had each gotten tattoos in Godric's Hollow to mark their coming of age. They had magicked two identification cards to say that they were each eighteen years old, and they went to a parlor in downtown London to seal the deal. Earlier, Sirius had refused to tell Remus what or where the tattoo was, but now, Remus saw his chance.

"Show me your tattoo," Remus said slyly. Sirius shut his eyes tightly and tried to suppress the grin that was forming on his face. He knew Remus had gotten him good. Sirius took a step toward Remus and began to unbutton his pants. Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, but did not turn away. It seemed that the significant amount of liquid in his system had given him courage and an uncensored amount of curiosity. Sirius slipped out of his jeans and took another step toward Remus. Remus felt a familiar swoop in his stomach when Sirius got close to him. His scent was overwhelming to Remus's heightened senses, and Remus resisted the urge to reach out and touch Sirius. Sirius then lifted his leg and mounted it on the couch beside Remus, revealing the tattoo that was near his inner thigh at the top of his leg.

Remus grabbed his wand out of his pocket and said _Lumos_ so that he could get a better view of the tattoo. When he finally realized what it was, he burst out with laughter due to the state he was in, but inside, he was beaming. On Sirius's inner thigh was a large letter M, and in a circle around the M were the words "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs." Remus thought it was perhaps the coolest thing he had ever seen and the single greatest sign of friendship he had ever encountered.

Perhaps due to the amount of drinks Remus had consumed in the last few hours, tears sprang to his eyes. "That's… that's really cool, Sirius," he said, still studying the tattoo.

"You think?" Sirius said excitedly, looking down at it. He had not notice the catch in Remus's voice, and he could not see his eyes either. "Better than James's, anyway," Sirius continued. "He got a broomstick with 'J & L Forever' written on the handle. Same place," he added. Remus looked up at Sirius with a smile on his face. When he noticed the tears in Remus's eyes, Sirius reached out and cupped Remus's face with his hand as Remus placed a gentle hand on Sirius's thigh that was eye level with Remus. Sirius gave Remus a light pat on the cheek before ruffling Remus's hair and saying, "I'm glad you like it."

Then, without warning, Henry Mertolian, a fourth year, and one of the only other Gryffindors who elected to stay behind for the holidays came crashing through the portrait hole, out of breath. His eyes widened in shock when he locked eyes with Sirius who was standing over Remus with his pants off and his leg hitched onto the sofa next to Remus. Remus buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. A smile spread across Sirius's face as he noted Remus's embarrassment and Henry's shock.

"Uh—sorry, I… I didn't know… I… Filch—I was out too late, and I was trying to run from Filch," Henry spluttered. "I didn't mean… I don't know… Sorry—"

"It's okay, mate," Sirius slurred and stumbled over to Henry, putting an arm around him. Henry noticed the empty bottles on the floor and let some of his tension fall away when he realized that neither Sirius nor Remus would likely remember this in the morning. "I was just showing my best mate, Remus here, the tattoo that I got this summer. Wanna see?" Sirius asked, trying to push Henry into the seat next to Remus. Henry ducked out from under Sirius's grip and headed toward the stairs that led to the dormitories.

"I—I think I'm just going to head to bed," Henry said with a weak smile. Without another word, he dashed up to his dormitory. When Sirius heard the door slam, he sat on the sofa next to Remus and both of them began to roll with laughter. Remus's embarrassment was quickly forgotten as he held his sides from laughing so hard.

"C-can you imagine what he must have thought?" Remus gasped between laughs.

Remus continued to laugh and Sirius looked over at him, his laughter fading a bit into a contented smile. Even in his haze, he loved seeing Remus laugh. The laughter died in Sirius's throat just before he reached over and put his hand behind Remus's neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. For a moment, Remus struggled as his eyes widened with shock, but it only took a moment for him to give in and open his mouth for Sirius. Their tongues battled fiercely in the sloppy kiss, and without another thought, Remus was straddling Sirius and biting at his bottom lip. The kiss went from sloppy to rough and needy in a very short period of time. Sirius put his hands on Remus's waist, and when he pulled him down roughly so that their sensitive areas rubbed against each other for the first time, Remus moaned into Sirius's mouth. Desperately wanting to hear that sound from Remus again, Sirius brought his hips up this time causing more friction as he brought Remus down against him, eliciting yet another moan from Remus.

With a deep growl, Sirius pushed Remus onto his back and climbed over him right after he removed his shirt. Remus only got a second to admire Sirius before Sirius was on him again. Sirius was now down to his briefs only, while Remus was still fully clothed. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck and pushed his body into him as Sirius lifted Remus's legs and wrapped them around his body. One of his hands was braced against the sofa for support while the other was running up and down one of Remus's thighs. Sirius moved his mouth from Remus's mouth to his neck, causing Remus to whimper.

Then, it was as if a light had gone on in Remus's head. It was like he had suddenly realized what exactly he was doing. He placed his hands on Sirius's shoulders and pushed him up. Sirius's eyes were clouded with need, and Remus tried hard to resist.

"We can't do this," Remus said, hands still rested on Sirius's shoulders. He tried to keep his eyes focused on Sirius's own instead of Sirius's toned body that was hovering over him.

"Why not?" Sirius whispered. He leaned in nibbled at Remus's earlobe, which made Remus tremble and lean into to Sirius's mouth.

"Sirius—" Remus pushed him up again. "Sirius, stop."

"You're telling me to stop," Sirius said with a seductive smile and a growl in his voice. "But your body," Sirius said as he rubbed his hand from Remus's chest to right below his midsection, causing Remus to release a shaky sigh, "is telling me to go." Sirius leaned in and put his face as close to Remus's as he could without touching him. The feeling of Sirius's breath on his face was enough to make Remus close his eyes and push his hips up against Sirius's hips. Sirius pulled Remus's shirt down slightly at the collar and slid his tongue along Remus's collarbone. Remus hissed Sirius's name, and Sirius put his lips to Remus's once again. Remus let Sirius's tongue massage his own for several moments before he pushed Sirius off of him roughly, causing Sirius to crash to the floor.

Remus got up from the sofa and headed toward the stairs, but Sirius went after him.

"What the hell, Remus?" Sirius grabbed Remus's arm before he could escape and gripped him roughly. Sirius was still very intoxicated and it took a moment for him to steady himself.

"I can't do this, Sirius," Remus said. "We've both had too much to drink and—"

"Drinks or no drinks," Sirius said, inching toward Remus and pushing against the wall next to the staircase and trapping Remus with his body. He then moved so that his mouth was right next to Remus's ear "I know you want me." Remus shivered and Sirius caressed Remus's face with his own. "I see the way you look at me." Sirius pressed his lips to Remus's neck. Remus was on the verge of giving in yet again before he pushed Sirius off him again. Sirius was right. Remus had been looking at him for years. But he was not about to let his years of fantasizing get in the way of his friendship with Sirius. He knew that Sirius would wake up tomorrow and forget about this or at least pretend to forget. Remus did not want to make a mistake that would cost him his best friend.

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said, pulling Sirius up the staircase. "Let's sleep this off and talk in the morning."

Sirius yanked his hand from Remus's grip and stepped down the stairs. "No!" Sirius slurred loudly. "Either you want me or you don't, Remus! It's now or never."

Remus closed his eyes and breathed deeply before he spoke. "Never, then," he whispered.

"What?" Sirius pressed.

"I said, 'never', Sirius!" Remus raised his voice. "If I can't have you in the right state of mind, then I don't want you at all. I've wanted this for too long to give it up after one stupid night." Remus turned and walked up the stairs and Sirius yelled after him.

"Go on, then!" Sirius yelled. "And don't even think this will _ever_ happen again!" Ego bruised, Sirius walked over to the sofa that he and Remus had just occupied and fell onto it. After only a few minutes of angry brooding, Sirius was out cold.

Upstairs, however, Remus stayed awake for several more hours, sobbing into his pillow.


	2. Juice Versus Whole Leeches

**Chapter 2: Juice Versus Whole Leeches**

The next morning, Sirius opened his eyes and thought his head would simply split in two. He closed his eyes tightly to block the sunlight that was streaming in through the windows of Gryffindor Tower. With his eyes still closed, Sirius turned so that he was sitting upright on the sofa. He tried hard to remember why he was on the sofa instead of on his own bed, but nothing was coming to his head immediately. After rubbing his eyes, he slowly opened them and headed toward the staircase to get showered and changed in his dormitory. As soon as he opened the door, he collided with Remus who looked like he was trying to get out of the room quickly. Remus tried to slip past Sirius without a word, but Sirius grabbed Remus's arm and spun him around.

"Moony, hey," Sirius said with a smile and a raise of the eyebrows. Remus looked at him, and Sirius noticed that his eyes were red and puffy. "Are you okay?"

Remus nodded and looked at the floor. "Fine," he said.

"You've been crying," Sirius said. It was not a question.

"I'm fine, Sirius," Remus said as he tried to maneuver himself from Sirius's grip.

In that moment, a few of the events from the night before came flooding back into Sirius's head. Truth or dare, a _lot_ of mead and firewhiskey—which explained Sirius's upset stomach and splitting headache—Henry walking in on them… the kiss.

"Rem—"

Remus had noticed the dawning on Sirius's face, pulled his arm from Sirius's grip, and fled down the stairs. Sirius knew he should have followed Remus, but he couldn't. He needed the time in the shower to think about what had happened the night before.

A few minutes later, Sirius stood in the shower and let the water cascade down his back. He was facing the shower stream with his head bent down and an arm in front of him to brace himself so that the hot water streamed down his back. He felt a heavy pressure in his chest as he thought about the consequences of the night before. Although he could remember his actions, he could not quite remember what was said, and he was afraid to find out. Sirius knew that he would have to face Remus at some point, but for now, he was content to stay in the shower until his skin threatened to fall off.

After everything that he and Remus had been through, Sirius could not believe what he had done the night before. Yes, Sirius had been having inappropriate thoughts about Remus for the past few months, and yes, he had noticed years ago that Remus's eyes would linger on him for just a little too long when Sirius would come into their dormitory in only a towel after a shower. Sure, he had stolen his fair share of glances Remus's way, and of course, Sirius looked forward to the days after a transformation when he could take care of Remus. Never did Sirius think, however, that these instances were anything more than curiosity. For a long time, Sirius thought that he was only thinking about Remus because he had suspected the way Remus felt about him. Sirius was not attracted to other men, which was the thing that got him really tripped up. It was only Remus. He had never had an inappropriate thought about any other boy in school other than Remus. This confused Sirius beyond anything. Perhaps it was just the deep connection he had with Remus that had him wanting more. Whatever it was, Sirius knew he needed to get it sorted out if he did not want to lose Remus as a friend. At that thought, Sirius turned off the shower and wrapped himself in a towel before he resolutely walked into the dormitory and prepared what he would say to Remus.

At this same moment, Remus was sitting in the Great Hall picking at his breakfast. He had only taken a sip of pumpkin juice since he sat down. Maybe because of the drinking he had done the night before or maybe because of the nervous knot that had formed in his stomach since the night before, Remus simply had no appetite. He was terrified of the discussion he knew he would have to have with Sirius whether they liked it or not. Now that Sirius realized what had happened, how would he react? Would he hate Remus? Would he want to end their friendship? Remus tried to shake these thoughts out of his head by literally shaking his head physically when a familiar voice spoke up beside him.

"Having a rather vicious argument inside our own head, are we, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus looked up and smiled weakly at the ghost of Gryffindor, Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington, or, as the students liked to call him, Nearly Headless Nick.

"Good morning, Sir Nicholas," Remus said.

"For whom, Mr. Lupin?" Sir Nicholas said. Remus resisted an eye roll as Sir Nicholas went into a long speech about how, once again, his request to join the Headless Hunt had been denied, as it had been every year since his death. Remus would have criticized Sir Nick for putting himself in a situation that only promised poor results and disappointment, but seeing as how Remus had done the same thing the night previous, Remus could only nod and express his condolences.

Through Sir Nick's transparent body, Remus could see a familiar form enter the Great Hall. Remus noticed that Sirius was looking around, and Remus tried to scoop up his things before Sirius saw him, but to no avail. Other than Sir Nicholas and Remus, there were only three other people dining in the Great Hall that morning, making it easy for Sirius to spot him. Sirius rushed over and took a seat next to Remus.

"Good morning, Sir Nick," Sirius said quickly. "Could you give Remus and me a minute?" Sir Nicholas poked his nose into the air and turned away without saying anything. He had still not forgiven James and Sirius for a particularly nasty prank they had pulled last term that involved the house ghosts and a number of stink bombs.

"Sirius—"

"Look, Remus," Sirius interrupted Remus before he could speak. "I'm still not one hundred percent on the events of last night, but I just need to say that I'm sorry." Remus resumed picking at his food as Sirius spoke. "I don't know what I was thinking or why I did what I did, but I'm sorry. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you… But that's what we are, right?" Sirius looked at Remus hesitantly. "Best friends…?" Sirius smiled and continued, "I made a really stupid mistake last night and for that, I apologize… I don't know what came over me," Sirius said with a chuckle. "That must have been some extra strong firewhiskey."

Remus did not speak. _Just friends… __A mistake_… Remus kept running the words through his head over and over. He had known that he would have to discuss the night before with Sirius, but Remus did not know what he had expected. Had he expected Sirius to profess his love for him as they rode happily together into the sunset? Had he expected Sirius to drop down on one knee and propose marriage? Certainly not. But Remus had not expected this either.

"You don't have to apologize, Sirius," Remus said. "I'm as much to blame as you are."

"I took advantage of you—"

"No, you didn't," Remus said with finality.

Sirius did not say anything, but a moment later, he elected to change the subject. He smirked and said, "Well, I see ol' Kettleburn up there..." Sirius nodded toward the staff table where Kettleburn sat alone at his end.

Remus smiled and shook his head. "I should have never told you that." He moved to gather up his things, but Sirius put a hand on his arm.

"Will you sit in here with me while I eat a little something?" Sirius smiled warmly and began to gather things onto his plate. Remus nodded, and tried not to stare at Sirius too tellingly as Sirius went into a plot about how they could get Remus's Kettleburn dream to come true. Remus laughed at some intervals, but would quickly turn away when he noticed Sirius smiling contentedly and staring at Remus's mouth whenever Remus would laugh. Remus did not think Sirius was doing it on purpose, but he wanted to avoid the situation nonetheless. Remus wasn't sure if things between Sirius and him were completely back to normal, but if forgetting about last night kept his relationship with Sirius intact, he realized he would have to comply.

After Sirius was full, both boys headed back to Gryffindor common room, and Sirius finally decided that he would begin working on some work they had been assigned over the holidays due to the fact that second term would be starting up in only a few days. Sirius sat working on Potions at a table in the common room while Remus sat curled by the fire reading the book Sirius had gotten him for Christmas.

"This should be a bloody crime," Sirius said, breaking the silence. He rubbed his hand down his face. "Assigning students work over the holidays—it's an awful, awful crime."

Remus chuckled and closed his book. He then walked over to Sirius and sat down next to him at the table, while attempting to keep his distance all the while. "Anything I can help you with?" Remus asked.

"Not really," Sirius said with a yawn. Then, after a moment, "Actually," Sirius moved his chair closer to Remus and pulled his notes toward them. Sirius was so close that their knees were touching, and although Sirius seemed not to notice, Remus's heart was pounding. "I'm looking at the use of leeches in potions, and I'm still confused about their effects—juice versus whole leeches…"

Remus breathed deeply before he went into a long explanation of the effects that using a whole leech instead of leech juice might have on a particular potion. Sirius's brow was furrowed as he listened to Remus intently, and Remus thought Sirius looked adorable when he tried to concentrate, but Remus tried not to notice. After explaining everything, Sirius seemed to come up with many more questions in regards to Potions, as well as Transfiguration, Charms, and Herbology. Remus noted that Sirius was never this quizzical or studious, but he just assumed that Sirius had just hit a confusing bout in his homework.

Truth be told, most of the things Sirius was asking Remus, he was well aware of. Although not as studious as Remus, Sirius received among the top marks in his classes. After a while, however, Sirius began fishing for questions to ask Remus so that they would not have to separate. He wanted Remus to be around him, but after the night before, he didn't know how to do it in a way that would not be suspicious, other than asking for his help with homework. Soon, Sirius feared that Remus would begin to catch on, so he stopped asking homework questions and just began telling stories about students and their past years at school.

Remus loved reminiscing with Sirius, and it was not until a tiny house elf wrapped in a pink dish rag came into the room to light candles in the dimming room that either boy realized how late it was getting.

"I'm starved," Sirius said as he leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah, me too," Remus said. "We should go down to the Great Hall."

"I've got a better idea," Sirius said with a mischievous grin. "Let's get James's cloak and head into Hogsmeade—take one of the secret passageways."

Remus looked hesitant, but when Sirius looked at him with puppy dog eyes, Remus sighed and gave in. "Fine," he said with a smile.

Sirius leapt from his chair with a triumphant fist pump and ran up the staircase that led to their dormitory. In just a minute or less, Sirius was back downstairs with his and Remus's traveling cloaks as well as James's invisibility cloak. With a smile he threw Remus's cloak at him and wrapped his own around himself. He then stepped so close to Remus that their bodies were touching and he wrapped James's cloak around them both. Remus let out a deep breath, and then the two of them walked out of the common room and toward one of their familiar passageways to Hogsmeade.


	3. That Makes Two of Us

**WARNING: Sexual content**

**Chapter 3: That Makes Two of Us**

"Well, Mr. Black," Professor Slughorn slurred as he sloshed a bit of his favorite mulled mead down his front. "You see the leeches are very delicate. The balance of their juices in a potion can change the makeup of an entire potion…" Slughorn, the Potions professor at Hogwarts had run into Remus and Sirius at the Three Broomsticks while they were dining in Hogsmeade. The boys had thought they were caught and that they would both receive weeks' worth of detentions, but after only a few minutes of being around Slughorn, they each realized that Slughorn was too impaired to realize that they were supposed to be at school, despite just having seen them hours before. "Taking a trip to Hogsmeade with your families over this break, are we, boys?" Slughorn had slurred rather loudly. Now, Remus and Sirius were laughing to themselves as Slughorn explained everything that Remus had explained only hours earlier about leeches in potions. They had merely mentioned their discussion from earlier, and although they insisted that Remus had explained everything, Slughorn still felt the need to go into his own long-winded explanation.

After a little while longer chatting with Slughorn, Sirius was able to talk their way out of the situation and convince Slughorn that their families were probably looking for them. When they were out of sight of the Three Broomsticks, Sirius wrapped the cloak around them yet again and they started walking back towards the castle. Now that they were much older and taller than they had been years ago, it took a little bit more work to keep them both fully hidden under the cloak. In order to keep them both completely covered, Sirius put his arm around Remus's waist and pulled Remus close to him as they walked.

Remus was trying to remain nonchalant. He was trying to make it seem as if it was the cold, rather than Sirius's arm around him that was making him tremble. He tried to listen as Sirius laughed and talked to him about Slughorn, but he was much too focused on where his body was in relation to Sirius's that it became hard to concentrate. A week earlier, it would have been nothing that Sirius had his arm around him, but after the night they had had and after everything that was said, it was very difficult to keep his cool.

When they finally made it back to the Gryffindor common room, it was getting late and the journey to and from Hogmeade, winding through secret passageways and such, made both Sirius and Remus quite tired. Sirius took a seat on the sofa in front of the fire in the common room with only a little bit of hesitancy. Both boys were fully aware that this was the place of the previous night's indiscretions, and maybe it was the cool night air or the long walk that had loosened Remus's nerves; or maybe it was the little bit of liquid courage he had in his system, but he now found himself unafraid to sit close to Sirius. As soon as Remus sat down on the couch next to Sirius, Sirius shifted his body and rested his head on Remus's shoulder.

"Man, I'm exhausted," he said through a yawn. "It's been a long day."

Remus laughed. "We haven't even done anything," he said.

"Bollocks!" Sirius said loudly with fake anger. "Maybe you didn't do anything, but I did homework and we went to Hogsmeade…" After a moment Sirius consented. "Okay, we didn't really do anything. It's probably just the effects of last night that are still wearing on me."

Although he could not see Sirius's face due to the fact that his head was rested on Remus's shoulder, Remus could hear the smile in Sirius's voice. Despite this, the mention of last night caused Remus to tense up. He tried to remain calm, but he suddenly felt as if it was hard to breathe. He had to concentrate on breathing in… and out… in… and out. And he felt like his limbs were abnormally long, and he didn't know where to put his hands. All the relaxation he had felt just a moment earlier had melted away. Sirius was calm, however. He was perfectly contented as he sat with his head on Remus's shoulder.

"I had a really good time tonight," Sirius said with a sigh. Remus knew that Sirius could not see him, but he only nodded in response.

Maybe it was that contented feeling he felt, or maybe it was the sound of Remus's slow breathing, or maybe it was the smell radiating from Remus—who could be sure what made Sirius put a hand on Remus's cheek as he tilted his head up and placed a soft kiss on Remus's lips.

Remus suddenly leapt from his spot as if burned. His face was flushed and his eyes were wide. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Sirius, who had toppled over slightly at Remus's sudden movement, sat up and stared at Remus. "What do you mean?" He tilted his head to observe the man standing before him. "I just kissed you," he then said simply.

Remus let out a sardonic laugh. "I know that," he said. Then, "Why?"

"I don't know," Sirius said as he slowly rose from his seat. He walked over to where Remus stood and moved his hands to Remus's hips. When he did not move away, Sirius pulled Remus close to him so that their pelvises were touching. Remus breathed in sharply and then exhaled slowly right before Sirius leaned in. Remus tilted his head slightly and closed his eyes in expectation. Instead of pressing his lips to Remus's, however, Sirius brushed his lips ever so slightly across Remus's—eliciting yet another sharp intake of breath—before he moved down and placed a kiss gently on Remus's neck. Remus shivered and leaned in to Sirius. Sirius then moved up and nibbled lightly at Remus's earlobe, causing a moan to escape Remus's lips. At that sound, Sirius put his hand on the back of Remus's neck and pulled him into a rough kiss. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist and pulled him close as Sirius place both of his hands on the sides of Remus's neck and deepened their kiss. Remus moaned and felt his knees weaken when Sirius's tongue entered his mouth. He clutched onto Sirius for support for fear that he might collapse from the sheer weight of his ecstasy.

Finally, after several more breathless moments, Remus and Sirius's lips finally parted, but they did not separate. Remus's arms were still wrapped around Sirius's waist, and Sirius's hands were still at the sides of Remus's neck as they placed their foreheads against each other. Remus wanted to speak, but he thought words would ruin this moment. If they could stay like this forever, each of them gladly would.

"I've wanted this for so long," Remus finally said. At that, Sirius pulled Remus into another bruising kiss. When he finally pulled away, seeing Remus's lips red and swollen and knowing that he had done that made Sirius want Remus even more. He pushed Remus down on the couch, knelt down in front of him, and began to undo Remus's pants.

"You're big," Sirius said quietly. Remus smiled briefly as he tipped his head back and moaned loudly when he felt Sirius's mouth take him in fully. Sirius had never done anything like this before, but knowing what he liked and taking Remus's face as a signal for what he particularly enjoyed, Sirius embraced the position he was in. He loved seeing Remus undone, and he loved that he was the cause of it. He continued his work until Remus warned him that he would soon be at his peak, but instead of pulling away, Sirius added more force. Remus continued to warn him, but when Sirius did not let up, Remus shuddered and moaned loudly before he felt release.

Wiping his mouth slightly, Sirius smiled as he moved up and sat down next to Remus as Remus zipped up his pants and then sat with his head tilted back against the back of the sofa with a small smile on his face. Sirius smiled, too, and said, "How was it?" before leaning over and kissing Remus on the neck.

Remus looked into Sirius's expectant eyes and raised an eyebrow. "I think my reaction should tell you how it was."

"Good then?" Sirius smiled against Remus's neck as he began kissing it again. Remus shuddered and sighed at the feeling of Sirius's mouth on his skin. It was like he was leaving little burn marks along his neck with each kiss. Sirius began sucking at Remus's neck softly and Remus closed his eyes briefly before he pulled Sirius roughly on top of him. Now straddling Remus, Sirius continued to suck, lick, and kiss with a bit more force. Noticing the bulge in Sirius's pants as it rubbed against him, Remus pushed Sirius onto the couch so that they were both sitting side by side once again. Sirius looked confused until Remus leaned over and pulled Sirius into a kiss as he began to unbutton Sirius's pants. Sirius gasped and moaned into Remus's mouth as he felt Remus's hand wrap around him and pull him out of his pants. The kissing stopped as Remus pressed his forehead to the side of Sirius's head as Sirius turned to watch Remus please him.

"Do you like that, Pads?" Remus growled into Sirius's ear. Sirius nodded and cursed and gasped and moaned Remus's name right before he reached his peak and released himself onto Remus's hand.

After Sirius used a charm to clean himself and Remus's hand off and made himself decent once more, he mirrored the position Remus had been in earlier as he tilted his head back against the couch with a contented smile on his face. Remus was sitting cross legged on the sofa facing Sirius, playing with a bit of the cushion that had come unraveled. Sirius looked over at Remus and when he noticed the small purplish spot that had formed on Remus's neck where his mouth had been, he reached out and touched it briefly with a smug smile.

"You're good at that, Rem," Sirius said. "Like you've had a lot of practice," he said with a laugh in his voice.

"Mostly on myself," Remus said without thinking. He instantly clapped a hand over his mouth as his face flushed a deep crimson. Sirius looked at him with shock on his face before he busted into ferocious laughter. He laughed and laughed until he was out of breath and clutching his sides. Eventually, Remus joined in, but he still couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth.

"Wow, Moony," Sirius said as he wiped his eyes and continued to laugh a bit. "I never you knew you had it in you."

"That makes two of us," Remus said with a small smile.


	4. Something About the Adrenaline

_Thanks so much to everyone for their comments. They're always appreciated. Keep 'em coming!_  
><em><strong>enapets21<strong>: I agree that the sex was too soon, but don't worry, that's a part of the storyline. It has a purpose._

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><p><strong>WARNING: Sexual content<strong>

**Chapter 4: Something About the Adrenaline**

Remus didn't know what he had expected.

The holidays were over and the rest of the students had returned to Hogwarts. They were a few days into the new term, and most of the students seemed refreshed and ready to take on these next few months. The full moon was a week away, and Remus Lupin could feel the wolf in him coming out early—earlier than usual. He could feel the need for the destruction of flesh rising up inside him. The need to be violent—the need for release. Usually it wasn't until a day or two before the full moon when Remus began to exhibit wolfish qualities—temper flares, heightened senses, the fierce desire for a rare steak…

But at this moment—a full week before the moon—Remus was out for blood. Perhaps it wasn't the wolf that wanted the blood, but the man himself. And perhaps it wasn't just any flesh he wanted. No, he only wanted to rip Sirius Black into pieces right after he was made to watch Remus do the same thing to the perky (in more ways than one) brunette sitting unnecessarily close to Sirius at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Remus usually fought to keep the wolf at bay, but on this sunny afternoon, he did not care. He wished the full moon was right now so that his actions might be excusable.

But no such luck. What had he expected?

The nights that Sirius and Remus had been together, Remus had temporarily forgotten that Sirius was not only into girls, but that, before the holidays, he had also started up a relationship with one Francesca Padrelli, a beautiful Italian girl who was a fellow seventh year in Gryffindor. Yes, Remus had to admit that Francesca (or Fran, as she was commonly called) was beautiful. Her long, wavy, dark brown hair silkily cascaded across her shoulders and down her back. Her chest was full (though not as full as her red lips) and her legs went on for days. Her soft, lightly tanned skin was clear and flawless. Remus also had to admit that she and Sirius made a handsome couple.

That did not stop his desire to rip the both of them into a thousand pieces, however. But it was Remus's own foolish and naïve expectations that had gotten him into this mess. He knew that Sirius was a heartbreaker, as they say. He was charming and polite and handsome. He was a good boy but with a dark side. He was not a "womanizer," per se, but he had relations with his fair share of women, always very careful to let them down easily when the time came. Of course, this made it hard for the girls he dumped to hate him as they probably should have, but Sirius didn't seem to notice. Remus should have known, then, that he would have been just another conquest for Sirius—an experiment, a phase.

As with the women he bounced between, Sirius seemed not to notice that he had done anything wrong in regards to Remus. In fact, he had been downright chummy with Remus over the last few days. While the students were still gone, Remus and Sirius had continued to fool around, while never really discussing what it might mean. Sirius would steal a kiss or a touch or… more… whenever he got the chance. The way that Sirius could not keep his hands off of Remus, Remus had thought that something might happen between them. Something more.

He was wrong.

If Remus thought he was angry now, however, he was wrong about this as well. No, it was not until after double Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs and a Gryffindor Quidditch practice that Remus would know true anger.

James, Lily, and Remus were walking a few steps behind Sirius and Fran as they headed to the Transfiguration classroom. Peter had left his book in the dormitory so he had run back to get it. Lily rolled her eyes as she watched Sirius grab at Fran's backside as she nuzzled his neck and giggled playfully. Lily despised Fran. Not long ago, she and Fran had been friends, just as Lily was friends with all of the other seventh year Gryffindor girls. That was until the end of the last school year when Fran kissed James at a party after Lily and James had just begun dating. Like any good boyfriend would, James told Lily immediately, and Lily told Fran, in no uncertain terms, to never come near her or James again. Now, Lily was certain that Fran was with Sirius only to push her buttons. Remus had also told Lily everything that had happened between him and Sirius (swearing her to secrecy), which gave her even more reason to loathe Fran.

When they made it to the classroom, Remus sat at his usual table behind James and Lily. Sirius set his stuff down next to Remus, and then went over to be with Francesca in the few minutes before class was to start. Lily turned around to talk to Remus, and when she caught sight of Francesca and Sirius, she huffed loudly. Sirius had pulled up an empty chair next to Fran and he was kissing her neck as she blushed and feigned resistance. Sirius was attempting to slide his hand up her white school shirt, causing her to push him away with a giggle and a high pitched whisper of "Sirius!" He only smiled and continued to tease her.

"I'm so sorry you have to endure this," Lily said quietly. Remus was looking straight ahead, trying not to listen or notice what was happening to his right. Remus shrugged.

"There's nothing I can do," Remus said softly. He glanced up at James to make sure he wasn't listening, but James was talking animatedly to the girl across the aisle from him, a fellow chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Sirius is a grown man," Remus whispered. "If he feels like it's okay that he was with me while he was with her, well, then that's on him." At that moment, he dared to glance over in their direction. He noticed that Francesca was whispering furtively to Sirius while occasionally stealing glances at Remus. Remus couldn't see Sirius's face and he was trying to read Fran's lips, but he was unsuccessful. A second later, Sirius gave Fran a quick kiss and walked over and sat next to Remus, looking slightly perturbed.

Lily turned away quickly and started looking at her Transfiguration book. Sirius rolled his eyes. He knew that Lily hated Fran and even though he tried to act like it didn't bother him, Remus knew that it got under his skin.

"Everything okay?" Remus asked without looking at Sirius.

"Hm? Oh, fine," Sirius said, clearly distracted. "Fran just wanted me to sit by her."

"Oh," Remus said.

Sirius laughed a little bit. "It's okay," he said. "I explained to her that you're my best mate and that I wouldn't ditch you," he said with a playful nudge. Remus didn't smile, causing Sirius to ask, "Is everything okay with you?"

Remus felt his temper flare, but before he could say anything, Professor McGonagall walked in and silence fell over the classroom. They had been working on human transfiguring for the last several weeks and still no one had managed it. Lily had managed to give James a tail and a bit more hair on his arms, and Remus had managed to give Sirius long whiskers and a set of floppy ears, while Sirius had only managed to give Remus the odd urge to scratch his backside. Sirius had offered to turn into Padfoot so that Remus could take credit, but Remus gave him a firm no.

After class, Lily went off to the library as James headed down to the Quidditch pitch. Captain of the team, James had scheduled an early afternoon practice while the sun was still out. He had also been scheduling several practices a week whenever he could get the pitch because he wanted to get an early start on preparing for the Quidditch Final. Sirius, a beater on the Gryffindor team, joined James, while Peter went to serve detention with McGonagall for being late to class. Although Lily asked Remus to join her in the library, he said he was tired and headed back to the dormitory.

Despite the cold, after Quidditch practice, Sirius came back to the dormitory sweaty and very dirty. James, who was Head Boy, had gone to the prefects' bathroom to bathe while Sirius returned to their dormitory to do so. Peter was still serving detention with McGonagall and Remus was still laying on his bed as he had been for several hours. He had drifted off a bit when he heard the door open. His eyes were still closed when he felt lips press against his own. Remus's eyes shot open and when he realized it was Sirius kissing him, he pushed his friend away roughly. Sirius always told his friends that he was most… excited… after Quidditch. Something about the adrenaline.

Before Remus could say or do anything, Sirius yanked him off of the bed, pulled Remus to him, and kissed him with a growl. Finding it difficult not to give in, Remus's hands found Sirius's chest as he opened his mouth and let Sirius's tongue explore his mouth hungrily. When reality finally struck Remus, he bit down on Sirius's lip and Sirius pushed him away with a small shout.

"What the f—"

"Don't," Remus said firmly, eyes flashing with anger. "You have no right to be angry."

Sirius looked into Remus's eyes and noticed that they had begun to change color—the first sign of the transformation. _I thought the full moon wasn't for another week,_ he thought to himself. Ignoring it and ignoring what Remus had just said, Sirius pulled Remus to him for another kiss. He began placing kisses all over Remus's neck and Remus moaned as Sirius said, "God, I've been thinking about you all day."

Suddenly, Remus pushed Sirius off of him so hard that Sirius stumbled a bit and almost fell back.

"Go to hell, Sirius," Remus said loudly. "Tell me, when were you thinking about me today?" Remus took a step toward Sirius. "Was this before, after, or while you were sucking on your _girlfriend's_ neck and grabbing her in public?" Remus could feel the wolf's anger, and although he tried to keep it contained, there was no mistaking the growl in his voice. Sirius saw the flash in Remus's eyes and heard that unmistakable growl, but it only served to make him want Remus more. Remus was close. Sirius had been thinking about Remus before, after, _and_ while he was kissing all over Fran, and now seeing Remus in front of him so angry only made Sirius want him even more.

"Mostly after," Sirius said as he narrowed his eyes with a mischievous smile. Remus shook his head and turned away, not wanting his anger to get the best of him. "Remus—" Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus's arm. In response, Remus whipped around and pushed Sirius so hard that this time he fell backwards onto his bottom. "Damn it, Remus!" Sirius said as he jumped up quickly. His playful nature of just a moment ago was quickly replaced by his own anger, fueled by the adrenaline still pumping through him. "Just calm down—"

"Calm down?" Remus said. "CALM DOWN?" He repeated with a yell. Remus was almost certain that he had never been this angry in his life. "That's rich! Being told to calm down because I don't want to just be some toy for you to use and discard! Yeah, I'll calm down." Remus stepped forward and pushed Sirius again, but this time, Sirius kept his balance.

"Oh, come off it, Remus," Sirius said, with an eye roll. He began removing his Quidditch garments. "What, did you think we were going to be an item or something?" Sirius scoffed. "You knew I was with Fran, you know who I am, and you knew what you were getting yourself into." After a brief pause, he said, "And don't push me again"

"Well, EXCUSE ME THEN," Remus shouted. "Excuse me if I thought that my _best mate_ would have a little bit of respect for me. I know you don't have respect for those girls you get around with, but you'd think you'd at least have some for me!"

Remus stepped forward and tried to push Sirius again, but this time, Sirius caught his wrists. He looked at Remus for a moment before Remus leaned in and put his mouth to Sirius's roughly. Sirius responded eagerly, putting his arms around Remus, cupping his backside and pulling Remus close to him. Remus's heart was racing as he grabbed the back of Sirius's neck roughly and pushed their mouths as close together as they could go. Their tongues battled fiercely, and when Remus bit Sirius's lip, this time, Sirius did not pull away, he pushed both of them roughly into the wall and pinned Remus. The wolf inside Remus, however, was having none of this. Remus spun them around and pressed his body against Sirius, smashing Sirius between him and the wall. Sirius groaned with disappointment when Remus pulled his mouth away from Sirius's. Sirius tried to lean into him, but Remus pulled his head back. Remus slowly grinded against Sirius, and Sirius closed his eyes and moaned in response. Then, without warning, Remus took a step back and left Sirius wriggling against the wall.

Sirius opened his eyes and then his mouth to speak, but Remus spoke first. "Now you can get a little taste of what I've been feeling for the last week. Remus turned away, but was startled when he was shoved forward.

"Now you know what it feels like to be _pushed_," Sirius growled angrily. With that, he turned and walked into the lavatory to clean himself up fully. Sirius tried to ignore the hardness below his waist as he took off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. The hot water falling down his back did nothing to abate his ever growing anger. As much as Sirius wanted to hate Remus at this moment, however, he couldn't get the thoughts of Remus's body pressed against his own out of his head.

Then, Sirius heard the door to the lavatory open and shut loudly. As soon as he heard the click of the lock, Sirius pulled back the curtain and was about to yell when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist from behind. Sirius whimpered quietly at the feeling of Remus's bare chest on Sirius's bare back and Remus's own hardness pressed against Sirius's backside.

Remus pushed Sirius against the shower wall and pulled Sirius's arms up and placed them above his head against the shower wall, interlacing his fingers with Sirius's as he moved up and down against Sirius slowly.

"Remus…" Sirius whimpered.

Remus felt a strain and a twitch below his waist and leaned forward and growled into Sirius's ear. "Say it again," he said as he continued to grind himself against Sirius.

"Remus…" Sirius moaned, a bit louder.

"Again," Remus growled again as he nibbled Sirius's ear. When Sirius moaned Remus's name much louder this time, Remus used his knee to spread Sirius's legs open. He placed himself at Sirius's entrance and with a sigh, he entered Sirius slowly. Sirius whimpered and moaned and trembled against Remus while Remus tried to hold him steady. Although Sirius had seen what Remus had to offer just a week or so ago, he was still shocked by Remus's size when Remus entered him. "Is this what you want?" Remus whispered into Sirius's ear, both of them still pressed against the wall of the shower.

Sirius could hear the growl and the anger in his words, and it only pushed him further. "Yes," he breathed. Remus pushed himself all the way into Sirius, and Sirius squeezed Remus's fingers that were still intertwined in his own above his head as he let out a low, breathy moan.

The feeling of himself inside Sirius and the hot water running down his back were enough to make Remus lose control already, but he tried to keep his cool. The wolf was ready, however, and Remus didn't know how long he could keep it tucked away.

Remus pulled slowly out of Sirius so that only his tip was left in. Sirius cursed and said, "Please, Remus…" Remus growled and pushed into Sirius, much harder this time. Sirius pressed his head against the shower wall and his jaw dropped in pleasure when he felt one of Remus's hands come down and wrap around Sirius's pleasure center. Remus was now using just one hand to keep Sirius's hands above him and against the shower wall. Sirius moaned when Remus began to move his hand back and forth and move himself in and out of him. Sirius said Remus's name and begged him to do what he was doing harder and faster, but Remus enjoyed agonizing him.

"Do you want me?" Remus whispered into Sirius's ear.

"So badly, Remus," Sirius hissed right before he cursed again. In no uncertain terms, Sirius then told Remus what to do to him, rather crudely, and Remus obliged. He finally let the wolf free as he thrust hard into Sirius and used his hand to guide Sirius further. Remus was hissing Sirius's name as well, and when Sirius warned him that he was close, Remus gave him a few more pumps and thrusts before Sirius felt sweet release, followed by Remus a moment later.

Remus pulled out of Sirius slowly and they continued to wash themselves and each other up in silence. Neither of them knew quite what to say. Sirius could already tell that he would be sore in the morning, but that thought still couldn't erase the grin that was on his face. Remus, however, was not grinning. He had let his emotions get the best of him when he should have been thinking clearly.

When both of them were rinsed off, Sirius turned off the water and pulled Remus to him as he wrapped a towel around them both. Remus couldn't help but smile, and Sirius leaned in for kiss. Remus let Sirius kiss him briefly before he pushed him away playfully and got his own towel. He wrapped the towel around his waist before he opened the door to go into the dormitory. An instant later, Remus slammed the door and put his back to it, facing a confused Sirius.

"Wha—"

Remus rushed up and clapped his hand over Sirius's mouth. "Pete's in there," Remus whispered.

Sirius laughed. "I wonder what he heard."

"Shhh!" Remus hissed. "It's not funny!"

"Sure it is!" Sirius said with a grin. "Let's walk out together holding hands."

Remus punched Sirius on the shoulder and locked the door once again, casting _Muffliato_ before pulling Sirius into a deep kiss.


	5. I Came to Find You

_Thank you for all the reviews, positive and negative. Keep them coming. I honestly appreciate every bit of feedback I get because it makes my stories better (in some cases), and it makes me want to keep writing for you. For those who didn't like the dominant Remus, just know that I have reasons for every single thing I write. In the context of the entire story, it makes sense (or it will eventually). Thank you SO MUCH to __**inkybetterdays**__—I couldn't have put it better myself. It was Remus's anger and the werewolf inside him that made him react the way he did, which I thought I made clear. Also, it's boring when their sexual relationship is portrayed the same way every time. Just keep reading and I promise you won't be disappointed._

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: I Came to Find You<strong>

Francesa Padrelli was not going down without a fight. The day after he had been with Remus, Sirius told Fran that they would just have to be friends. Like all the other times Sirius broke things off with his girlfriends, he was gentle, telling her that it was nothing that either of them did, but that he just didn't have the same feelings he'd had when they'd begun their relationship. She asked if it was someone else, and although he tried to convince her that it nothing to do with anyone but the two of them, Francesca was not convinced. As far as she knew, things between her and Sirius had been close to perfect. He could never keep his hands off of her, and she was hard pressed to find a moment when she didn't _want_ his hands on her.

Now it was a week and a half since Sirius had broken up with her, but Francesca was not ready to give up. After Charms that day, Francesca followed Sirius, who was whispering to Remus, out of the classroom. Fran thought that both boys looked extremely agitated and Remus had a number of cuts on the parts of his body that Fran could see, but she didn't think too much about it. When she caught up to them she heard Sirius say something about "don't you even want to try" right before she grabbed his arm and turned him to face her. Remus sighed angrily and turned away quickly right before Sirius rounded on her.

"What do you want, Fran?" Sirius's eyes narrowed and his voice was shaking with anger. Although she thought the anger was directed at her, Sirius's anger was fully reserved for Remus. He did not care one bit about Francesca.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said quietly. She nodded toward an empty corridor and he shook his head and rolled his eyes before he followed her.

"What is it?" Sirius looked over his shoulder quickly before looking at Francesca.

"I miss you," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his.

Without thinking twice about it, Sirius reached his hands up behind his head, grabbed Francesca's wrists, and pulled her arms away from him. He was going to walk away, but with the abruptness of the break up, he felt that he at least owed her a little bit of time. "Fran…" he said, shaking his head.

"Sirius!" Francesca whined. "Why are you doing this? I thought everything between us was perfect. The day before you broke up with me you couldn't keep your hands off of me, and then suddenly you wanted nothing to do with me! It… It just doesn't make sense, Sirius!"

"Fran…" Sirius said again.

"Ugh! Sirius!" Francesca stomped a foot. "Don't stand there and act like you had any real reason to break up with me. Why? Why did you break up with me? And don't give me any bollocks about not 'having the same feelings' because you _did_ have those feelings!" Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Fran continued. "No! Don't even say anything. I don't want to hear any lies, and I know that's what you're about to tell me! I know it's someone else, Sirius, I just know it is." She walked up closer to Sirius again and grabbed his waist. He tried to push her away but she held on tight. "Whoever it is can't make you feel the way I make you feel, Sirius, I know it. She won't love you like I do; she won't touch you like I touch you; she won't make you as happy as I make you; she won't understand you like I do…"

Francesca looked up at Sirius with sad and desperate eyes with tears welled up in them and cupped his face in her hands. Sirius looked at her angrily and put his hands on top of her hands. Not even a second later, he pushed her against the wall behind them and kissed her forcefully. She whimpered briefly before she put her arms around his neck and responded to his kiss with equal ferocity. Sirius used all of the frustration, sadness, and anger inside of him to fuel his kiss with Francesca. She was breathing heavily and moaning quietly and pulling him tighter as he pulled her hair back and began sucking at her throat.

Throughout all of this, Sirius was thinking of Remus. Prior to his encounter with Francesca, Sirius had been trying to talk to Remus. After the time Sirius and Remus had spent in the shower, Sirius had taken all the steps needed to make their relationship official. He hadn't even hesitated before he made the decision to break things off with Fran, and he made several moves in an attempt to get Remus to consent to be his. Although Sirius asked Remus to be official with him, Remus told him no. For the last week, Remus had ignored Sirius and attempted to avoid him at all costs. Remus said things were moving too fast, but Sirius thought they weren't moving fast enough. After the full moon, Remus made sure to tell Madam Pomfrey that under no circumstances was she to let Sirius Black into the Hospital Wing to see him. Pomfrey, glad to keep her wing closed to unruly guests, happily consented without asking questions. Sirius had been furious. The following day—yesterday—Sirius shouted at Remus and told him how cruel and selfish he was before demanding that he acknowledge their relationship. Remus gave him the silent treatment throughout the entire argument, only fueling Sirius's anger. Today—two days after the full moon—Sirius tried to approach Remus again, this time with a bit less anger and a bit more fragility, but still Remus would not agree to Sirius's terms. Sirius had begged him to give them a chance, but Francesca had pulled him away before he got a chance to say anymore.

Now, Sirius was using his tongue to express all of his feelings about Remus, and Francesca was responding eagerly.

Then, the sound of a throat clearing caused both Sirius and Fran to jump and look in the direction of the disturbance. Sirius could have thrown up at the sight of Remus standing in front of him.

"I…" Remus blinked several times. "I came to find you," he said before he turned and walked away quickly.

Sirius pulled himself from Fran's grip, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Let him go, Sirius!" she shrieked. "This isn't his business!" Sirius gave Fran the most disgusted look he could muster before he ripped his hand from her grip and went to find Remus.

Remus hadn't gotten far, so Sirius found him pretty quickly. When he caught up to him and reached out and touched his arm, Remus jerked his arm away as if burned.

"Don't!" Remus turned on him. "Don't you _dare_ touch me!"

"Remus—"

"Don't say anything, Sirius!" Remus nearly shouted. "This is exactly why I was hesitant about us! You do stuff like this! You get in a relationship and then you discard them like old garbage. You…" Remus look like he wanted to turn away, but he continued. "You practically begged for us to be a couple, and when I deny you for a week—ONE WEEK—you're already running back to her! This is why I said no! I knew you would do something like this—"

"I only did that because I was upset about you!" Sirius said back, matching Remus's tone. "You rejected me over and over after you—"

"I said no for a week. I needed time, Sirius, and if you really cared about me like you've been saying you do, then you would have understood that." Remus's voice lowered a bit. "I'm terrified, Sirius. I'm terrified to be with you. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to lose you as a friend either. I don't want you to just get bored with me the way you always get bored with your relationships. I've never felt the way I feel about you about anyone, and that terrifies me. So I need time—"

"You didn't need time a week ago," Sirius interjected.

"What happened then was a mistake," Remus said quietly. "I let my emotions get the best of me. I let the wolf take over, and I shouldn't have." At the word "mistake," Sirius's face had fallen. "After that, I wanted to take things slower, but you wouldn't give me any space or any time to think things over," Remus paused briefly. "And now, you made up my mind for me. You'll never change, Sirius. You are who you are and that's part of the reason why you're my best mate. You don't make excuses for yourself, and you do whatever is right for you. But what's right for you may just not be right for me—"

"Remus, _you_ are what's right for me," Sirius spoke softly. He reached out and held one of Remus's hands. "I want you and need you so badly, and I just… I let my emotions get the best of me, too. Fran… She was just there, and she was the nearest person that I could release my feelings onto. I'm so sorry, Rem. Don't let one stupid mistake ruin everything."

"I already did, Sirius," Remus said. His voice was barely above a whisper. "It was my mistake," he said. Sirius shook his head and pulled Remus to him. Remus melted into Sirius's arms and clutched him for a few seconds before pulling back. "I'm sorry, Sirius…" Remus said as he turned and walked away.

As Sirius watched Remus's hand slip from his own and fall away as Remus turned his back on him and walked away, Sirius could feel a piece of his heart breaking.

"What—what's going on, Sirius?" Sirius heard Fran's voice behind him. "What were you talking about? Do you… did you… are you…?"

Sirius did not let Francesca finish and he did not turn to face her. He just shook his head and walked toward Gryffindor tower, while he allowed the agony to wash over him.


	6. Prove It

_Thanks for all the comments so far! Now, everything is going to really start to heat up (as if it wasn't already). I know you all probably really hated Sirius in the last chapter, but you might like him a little bit more in this one. Also, sorry for the slight delay, but the next few chapters might be a bit delayed as well. But keep commenting because that makes me want to write faster! I'm also thinking about writing a Remus/Sirius AU so keep an eye out for that. Well, on to the next chapter. Enjoy._

**Chapter 6: Prove It**

"Remus! Come on, Rem, what do I have to do? Tell me what to do and I'll do it." Sirius Black was standing outside the lavatory connected to his dormitory banging on the door and pleading with his best mate, Remus Lupin. It had been two days since Sirius's indiscretion with Francesca Padrelli, Sirius's ex-girlfriend, and Remus had been giving him a firm silent treatment since then. Sirius had tried talking to Remus at meals and in their dorm; he had tried to corner Remus after class several times. Sirius had tried jokes, funny faces, and anything that would make Remus talk to him.

Remus did not want to hear anything Sirius had to say. He had realized that any fantasy he had about his relationship with Sirius was nothing more than that—a fantasy—and it was best to cut things off now before either of them got hurt. He knew that it was immature to give Sirius the silent treatment, but it was only temporary until both of them could put their feelings at bay. Now, however, Remus was in a bind. He was trapped in the loo, and he didn't quite know how he would be able to escape Sirius this time. Remus could hear Sirius's pleas on the other side, and his heart was aching, but he knew that in the end, Remus's decision would make them both happier. Quickly, Remus opened the door and tried to get around Sirius.

Sirius was too quick, however. He grabbed Remus around the waist and held him tightly so that he could not escape. Remus's back was pressed against Sirius's chest and stomach, and he tried to wriggle free, but Sirius's strength was too much for Remus.

"Talk to me," Sirius said into Remus's ear. Remus shivered at the feeling of Sirius's breath on his ear, but he said nothing. "Remus." Still Remus said nothing. His breathing was becoming slow and labored, and he did not know how much longer he could resist temptation with the feeling of Sirius's body against his. Sirius moved one of his arms slowly and placed his hand inside Remus's pants. Remus gasped when Sirius gripped him, and he jerked slightly at the touch. "Talk to me," Sirius said again as he began moving his hand back and forth. Remus closed his eyes and leaned his head back on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius took the opportunity to move his lips to Remus's mouth and kiss him agonizingly slow as he moved his hand even slower. Remus whimpered into Sirius's mouth before he used Sirius's distraction as an opportunity to escape his grip.

"Remus, please don't go," Sirius said with a grunt of frustration. "Just please… Say anything. I just need to hear your voice." Remus could hear the pain in Sirius voice, so, finally, he spoke.

"Sirius." He didn't know what else to say.

Sirius let out a brief sigh of relief. It wasn't much, but it was a step. "Remus, tell me what to do. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"There's nothing you can do, Sirius," Remus said as he walked over to his bed, shaking his head. He sat down on the edge of his bed with his back to Sirius before he spoke again. "You are who you are, and I don't want to change that—"

"I want to change," Sirius interrupted quickly. "I want to change for you."

For a while, neither of them said anything. Sirius was looking at the back of Remus's head desperately, and Remus was looking at his hands, willing the tears not to fall from his eyes. After what felt like an eternity to both of them, Sirius was the first to speak.

"I love you, Remus."

"No, you don't," Remus said after a moment, although it sounded like he was convincing himself more than Sirius. At the sound of the words, Remus's heart had leapt into his throat and he thought he might choke from the sheer pressure. He felt light-headed and it felt as if all of the blood in his body had rushed to his heart to keep it beating, leaving his hands feeling like ice.

"I really do—"

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it."

Sirius chuckled a bit. "I guess having sex with you in a shower isn't enough?" Remus did not laugh, and Sirius didn't think what he had said was particularly funny. He was just trying to relieve some of the tension. "I do love you—"

"You don't."

"I do—"

"Prove it." At those words, Remus finally turned to face Sirius. Sirius could see the tears running down Remus's cheeks, and Sirius rushed over to Remus and dropped down on his knees in front of him. He grabbed Remus's hands with his own and placed them in Remus's lap. "If you… if you really love me… you can't just say it. Saying the words isn't enough. You… you have to prove it."

After a moment, Remus could physically see the resolve creep across Sirius's face at the same time his wide smile did. "Remus John Lupin, if it takes the rest of my life, I will prove to you that I love you." Remus smiled weakly through his tears. "I promise I will prove it to you. It will be worth it to hear you say it back." Remus's eyes widened a bit, but he said nothing. Then, Sirius stood up, and with a small brush of his hand against Remus's cheek, he turned and walked out of the dormitory.

Remus was speechless and his mouth was gaping slightly. He supposed that he had expected Sirius to start to "prove it" right then and there, so when Sirius suddenly walked out of the room, Remus was dumbfounded. Mind racing, Remus laid back in his bed and thought about what tomorrow might bring.


	7. Smell

_Thank you so much to everyone for their comments! I love hearing from all of you! It's amazing to hear all of the praise for the story as well things you don't particularly love, and I love it even more to hear your own interpretations. Keep it coming! It's truly enlightening. For those of you wanting more of the other Marauders in this story, don't worry, they (well, James at least) will be making more prevalent appearances soon. Well, let's get to the chapter—I think you all will like it._

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: Smell<strong>

The following day, Remus woke up and the first thing that came to his mind was the conversation he had had with Sirius. Somewhat instinctively, Remus turned over in his four-poster bed to face Sirius's bed, and he was slightly shocked to see that Sirius was not there. After Remus got dressed and ready for the day, he headed down to the Great Hall with James and Peter who were also wondering where Sirius was. They expected to find him in the Great Hall, but when he was not there, Remus began to get a little worried. James assured Remus that Sirius was just probably coming off of some late night shag, causing Remus to tense up with anger, but Remus convinced himself that that certainly could not be the case… Could it?

When they got into Charms, all of the boys were surprised to see Sirius already seated in his normal spot. Remus sat down next to him and James—who sat down in front of them—was almost immediately joined by Lily. Peter sat behind them with Alice Fairfeather, another Gryffindor seventh year.

James turned around immediately after he sat down with a crease in his brow. "Where were you?" he asked Sirius. Both Remus and Sirius knew better than to think that James was legitimately concerned about Sirius's welfare and his whereabouts—he knew that Sirius was fine—but he just wanted to make sure that he hadn't missed out on any mischief. Even in their seventh year, James and Sirius could never resist a little troublemaking.

"I just got an early start," Sirius said with a grin. Remus knew Sirius too well than to suppose that Sirius had not actually been up to something. James shook his head and turned around to talk to Lily, and Remus turned to face Sirius.

"So, really, where were you?" he asked. Sirius did not say anything. He only smiled and began reading his Charms book. Remus rolled his eyes.

A few minutes later, Flitwick came scurrying into the classroom. When Remus opened his book a small roll of parchment fell out of it. Before he could open it, Sirius's hand covered the note to stop him.

"After class," he whispered. Although the curiosity was killing him, Remus obliged and put the piece of paper into the pocket of his robes.

Later, when Flitwick dismissed the class, Remus was shocked to see Sirius leave the classroom quickly. After seeing that mysterious piece of parchment fall out of his book that Remus was certain Sirius was responsible for, Remus thought Sirius would fall behind with Remus after class. After Sirius left the room, however, James just shook his head and locked hands with Lily before they headed out of the room. Remus followed them but walked a ways behind. Peter was in front of him, walking inches from James and Lily. Making sure no one was around him, Remus unrolled the piece of parchment.

_I love the way you smell. Sometimes I'll turn into Padfoot so my sense of smell is heightened, and then I smell your pillow to take all of you in. That's where you'll find the next of many reasons why I love you._

Remus's chest felt full and heavy. He brought his hand to his heart and breathed deeply in an attempt to steady his rapid heartbeat. _That's where you'll find the next of many reasons why I love you…_ If there was more where this came from, Remus did not know if his heart could take it. Just this small confession had Remus reeling. He had no idea that Sirius loved his smell or loved him enough that his smell meant that much to him. It took Remus a moment before he realized that he was trembling, and it took him another moment to realize that he needed to go up to the dormitory.

Remus began to walk slowly towards Gryffindor Tower as he thought about Sirius. When Sirius had said he would prove to Remus that he loved him, he thought Sirius would try to do something silly or outlandish to make some kind of scene that would embarrass Remus. He hadn't expected something like this, and he didn't know where this had come from. As far as Remus knew, Sirius did not have a romantic bone in his body. The most romantic thing Sirius had ever done for anyone, as far as Remus knew, was spending an hour of an entire Hogsmeade day in Madam Pudifoot's with his girlfriend at the time. This was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Involuntarily, a smile spread across Remus's face while he thought about Sirius. If someone had told Remus a month ago that at this time he would have had sex with Sirius and Sirius would have confessed his love for Remus, Remus would not have believed it even if Sirius had told Remus himself. Even now, Remus couldn't quite believe what was happening.

Finally, Remus made it to the dormitory and when he opened the door and found Sirius sitting on his bed, he gasped. Sirius laughed.

"Did I scare you?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head with a small smile and walked over to his own bed. Sirius watched as Remus walked over to his pillow and pulled out a rolled up piece of parchment, similar to the one Remus still had clutched in his hand. When Remus did not open it immediately, Sirius looked at him puzzled. "You're not going to open it?" he asked.

Remus just shrugged before he said, "Is this true?" holding up the other parchment that had fallen out of his Charms book only a little while earlier.

Sirius didn't say anything at first. He looked like he was trying to formulate the perfect answer. Finally, he said, "I first noticed the effect your smell had on me at the beginning of this year. I hadn't seen you in a while when we came back from the summer holiday. Remember?" Sirius said with a small tilt of his head. "We'd only seen each other twice over the holiday and the last time had been over a month earlier." Sirius paused briefly before he continued. "When I finally saw you again and we hugged, I felt… I don't know, I was just overwhelmed by your smell. I wanted to bury my head in your chest and smell you forever. I'd missed you so much and your smell just seemed to bring you back to me." He smiled. "Now, any time I haven't talked to you for a while—you're doing homework, or I have Quidditch, or you're doing prefect stuff, and we just don't get to hang out for a while—I'll just turn into Padfoot and smell your pillow. I just can't do the same justice to your smell that Padfoot can," Sirius said with a laugh. "It makes any time apart from you… I don't know… better."

When Sirius finished, Remus's chin and bottom lip were both quivering. He tried to hold back the tears that he knew would fall if he opened his mouth to speak. Sirius was reclined on his bed looking up at the canopy over his bed, and Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed facing Sirius.

"I know it's a little weird," Sirius started.

"It's not weird," Remus interjected quickly. "It's the most… it's… incredible," Remus said quietly. At that, Sirius looked over at Remus. When he realized Remus was on the verge of tears, he felt his own eyes begin to burn. For a little while, neither of them said anything. After several minutes, Sirius was the first to speak.

"You should open that," he said.

Remus looked down in his hands at the parchment he had momentarily forgotten about. Hands shaking, Remus unrolled the parchment. _I love the way you listen to everything I say as if I'm the most important person in the world. You make me feel so special. Go the place where even the walls listen to find out why I love you even more._ This time, Remus could not stop the tears. He was too overwhelmed with emotion, and that emotion had to be expressed somehow. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop. Feeling impacted by Remus's emotions, Sirius opened his arms in a gesture for Remus to come to him. Remus did not even hesitate before he walked over to Sirius's bed and crawled into Sirius's arms.

Neither of them said anything while Remus's head was rested on Sirius's chest and Sirius's arm was around Remus while his hand slowly caressed Remus's arm. Remus's left hand was rested against Sirius's chest and he watched it moved up and down with Sirius's breathing. Sirius moved his hand up and brushed the hair out of Remus's face. Remus looked up at Sirius and they looked at each other briefly before Sirius leaned down and put his lips against Remus's. In no time at all, Remus was responding to Sirius's kiss. He shifted himself so that he straddled Sirius. Sirius put his hands on Remus's waist and pulled him close as he opened his mouth against Remus's and their tongues battled each other with only a small amount of force. Remus moaned softly as he lightly ground his hips down onto Sirius. Sirius groaned as Remus put both his hands on either side of Sirius's head and pulled his mouth away from Sirius's.

"Man, you taste good," Remus said with a smile. Sirius smiled and leaned up to kiss him again, but Remus pushed him down. He could feel underneath him that Sirius was more than ready to go, but Remus was still not ready to jump in again. The first time they had been together had happened too soon, and Remus somewhat blamed that for the problems that had occurred since then. With this in mind, Remus got up off of Sirius and walked over to his own bed. He picked up his school bag and began rooting through it as if he was about to leave.

Sirius groaned with disappointment when Remus got off of him. He turned over on his side to face Remus and propped his head up on his hand. "Where are you going?" Sirius asked him.

Remus shook his head. His back was to Sirius, and Remus was thankful for that so that Sirius could not see the huge smile on his face. "I don't know," Remus said. "Anywhere but here."

Sirius felt as if Remus had just punched him in the stomach, but when Remus turned to face him, he felt better when he saw the smile on Remus's face. "Come here," Sirius said gruffly as he sat up on the edge of his bed and pulled Remus too him. Remus smiled and looked down at Sirius as Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around Remus's waist. Remus leaned down and placed a small kiss on Sirius's forehead.

"I just know that if I stay here, I won't want to wait anymore," Remus said quietly. "I just don't want to do anything stupid."

Sirius smiled with understanding and nodded briefly. "I know," he said. "I'm hard to resist." Remus scoffed and pulled himself out of Sirius's arms, but there was still a smile on Remus's face. "Anyway, I think I still have some proving to do."

"You sure do," Remus said. He walked over to Sirius and placed a soft kiss on his lips before he moved toward the door of the dormitory. Even though he already thought Sirius had more than proved his love, he still couldn't wait to see what Sirius would do or say. Remus was also grateful for this as it would give him the time he wanted and needed before things got any more serious between him and Sirius.

"Well, don't go looking for that next thing yet," Sirius said as Remus put his hand on the door handle. "It's not there yet, but it will be there tomorrow." Remus smiled and nodded as he walked out the door and shut it behind him. Sirius fell back onto his bed with a huge grin on his face as he felt bliss from his head to his toes.


	8. The Light to My Darkness

_Thank you for all of the reviews! I love hearing from everyone. I'm sorry this update has taken a little longer than usual. This is a long chapter (which is why the update took forever), but it's a good one. Keep reading, keep reviewing. This story is coming to a close soon (just one more chapter after this one, which should be arriving very shortly), so make sure to put me on your author alerts so you can read my Remus/Sirius AU story when I start writing it after this one. Anyway, I think you'll like this chapter. Enjoy!_

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><p><strong>WARNING: Some language and strong sexual content.<strong>

**Chapter 8: The Light to My Darkness**

"Where's Remus rushing off to?" James asked Sirius as he watched Remus rush from the Potions classroom after class the next day.

"I have an idea," Sirius said with a smirk. Lily had gone off with her friend Alice so that James could fall back and talk to Sirius.

James's eyes narrowed. "What is going on between the two of you? When we all got back from the holiday, things were weird between you guys, and Remus was clearly pissed at you for something… and then you broke up with Francesca, and then you were chasing Remus around like a dog for a week, and then something happened and now, a few days later, you guys are laughing and talking to each other in class like nothing happened." James shook his head. "What's going on?"

The two of them were now ascending a staircase toward Gryffindor Tower. Sirius shrugged. "I don't know—"

"I know you better than you know yourself, Black," James said with some force that was only slightly overshadowed by affection. "Don't even try to lie. I'm not an idiot."

"Could have fooled me—"

Responding with a punch in the arm, James then said, "Why did you break up with Fran?"

Sirius sighed and stopped walking. They had just ascended from the dungeons and were now standing in the entrance hall. James, too, stopped walking and turned to face Sirius with accusatory eyes. "I guess I'll tell you everything…" Sirius said slowly. His hands were shaking and he could feel his stomach doing flips. He did not know how James would take the information that he was about to give, but instead of trying to think about all of his possible reactions (torture and possibly death), Sirius started from the beginning…

"…and now I'm trying to actually prove to him that I love him. He's probably reading my next note right now…" Sirius paused briefly and avoided James's eyes as his story of his relationship with Remus came to a conclusion. He could feel James's eyes burning a hole into him but he did not look up. "I know this is a lot to take in, and I know you might think it's weird and crazy, but I don't know what it is. I just love him, and I want to be with him. I—"

"Sirius," James said sternly. Sirius looked up at his best friend and saw that he was frowning deeply. "You better not hurt him."

"James—"

"No, let me finish," James held up a hand and closed his eyes in frustration. "I know how you are with girls and I don't fancy you'll be any different with guys. You use them and then you toss them aside like they don't mean anything to you… Well, Remus doesn't deserve that. He isn't just anyone. He's our best mate, and if you ruin the friendship that the four of us have, I'll never forgive you. He's been through enough, Sirius, and if you do something to fuck him up, I'll kill you." Sirius had never seen James so stern and serious in all the years that he had known him. In that moment, Sirius knew that James meant what he said. After another moment, James continued, "I… I just… I need you guys, and if I lose what we have I don't know what I'll do." James looked down. "Just please, Sirius… Please don't do anything to mess this up. As long as you don't do that, then I guess I'm cool with it."

Neither of them said anything for a while. Sirius only stared at James with his head cocked to the side like a confused dog who did not quite understand what he was looking at. James was looking at the floor and rocking back and forth lightly on his heels. Sirius now knew exactly why James was his best mate. He could joke and have fun and be just as troublemaking as Sirius, but when the time called for it, no cared about anyone more than James cared about those closest to him.

"So, you—you're okay with me being… you know… being with Remus?" Sirius said hesitantly, looking at his hands.

"It will take some getting used to," James admitted. Sirius nodded. "But I'll get used to it if that means that you'll stop going around with a million girls, and Remus will finally get what he's been after for years."

Sirius's eyes shot up to James's face. "Years?" He asked. "What are you talking about." It was more of a command than a question.

James was smiling now and he patted Sirius on the shoulder. "I think you're the only one of us that didn't notice," James said. "I think even Peter noticed how much Remus loved you."

Sirius blanched. "How did you know?" he asked with a surprised look on his face.

"Well…" James pretended to rack his brain. "He wants to be around you all the time, and when you aren't around, he constantly brings up stories or things that you would have said or done in a particular situation… When all of us hang out together, it's like no one exists except for you. He's always looking at you and waiting for the next thing you're going to say. When he talks, he usually only looks right at you to make sure that you hear him." James sighed. "It's pretty annoying, actually," he said.

Sirius laughed a laugh that sounded more like a bark than a laugh. "Oh, yeah?" he said. "Well, he was probably annoyed that you talked about Lily every chance you got since we got to Hogwarts first year."

James nodded with mock understanding. "Probably," he said.

Then, Sirius embraced his friend into a tight hug. James was incredibly important to Sirius, and to even have anything close to his blessing was more than Sirius could ask for. Maybe he would not be okay with Sirius and Remus kissing in front of him or anything like that right off the bat, but he would get more used to it, and he would love them no matter what because they were his very best friends. They embraced each other fondly for a few moments before they released each other and looked at each other.

"Just remember what I said," James said, suddenly serious.

"I will," Sirius said sincerely. "I won't hurt him. I love him too much to let him be hurt ever again.

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><p><em>I'm terrified that one day I'll end up like my family. Sometimes I think you're one of the most important reasons why I never will. The next expression of my love is near the place where almost all of my family hails from.<em>

Remus clutched the note from Sirius in his right hand and used his left hand to leaning himself against the Wall of Sounds in the fourth floor corridor near the library. The Wall of Sounds was a wall that spanned most of the right side of one of the fourth floor corridors. It was said to provide advice to students in times that they needed it most. Many students claimed that they had encountered the Wall of Sounds—they had asked the wall about a difficult question on their homework or for advice on their relationship, and then suddenly, the answer would come to them. Some students even claimed that the wall had indeed spoken to them and given them the advice directly. Remus had never heard the wall speak before, but he had felt an eerie sensation once when he walked by it and asked for advice, only to receive the answer in his own head moments later.

In his last note, Sirius had told Remus to go the place where even the walls listen, and after classes today, Remus had rushed to the Wall of Sounds and found the note in between the wall and the wood panel that lined the bottom of the wall. Now, he was once again overwhelmed by Sirius's display of love. He was breathing in and out slowly and deeply, trying to slow his quickly beating heart. Remus had had no idea that Sirius felt this way about him even after Sirius had confessed his love, and seeing it all written down like this was a shock to his system.

Remus stood up straight and willed his trembling body to relax somewhat. He was tempted to leave the next note there and instead go find Sirius and tell him how much he loved him, too, but he knew that Sirius would want him to see his next note, and something inside him told him to keep going—he had to know what Sirius would say next. After inhaling and exhaling deeply, Remus turned slowly as if to head towards the dungeons where Slytherin House was located. Then he stopped. If he was at the Wall of Sounds, he might as well see what it told him to do about the entire situation with Sirius. As Remus began to walk the length of the wall, he thought _I know how I feel about him, but I should I open up myself to Sirius Black completely?_ When Remus reached the end of the wall, a calming sensation fell over him. He thought he heard a faint whisper as if the wind was blowing harshly through several tight cracks in the wall. Then he knew. Although he was not entirely sure how he knew, Remus knew that everything between Sirius and him would be okay. He knew that if he wanted to be truly happy, he would have to open himself up to Sirius fully and completely and embrace his love. He knew that Sirius loved him and that he loved Sirius, and that everything would work out in the end. With encouraged resolve, he began to walk toward the dungeons.

_The place where almost all of my family hails from…_ Remus knew that this meant Slytherin. Remus knew how much Sirius hated his family. He came from a pureblooded family that clung to the ideology of the man called "Lord Voldemort." Remus didn't quite know what had made Sirius turn his back on all of this, but now he had at least some insight.

_It's me._ Remus thought to himself. _I keep him grounded… I make him the man that he is…_ Remus felt weird about taking credit for Sirius's growth and development—and he certainly did not take all the credit—but Sirius had said it. Remus had the proof that he had made an incredible impact on Sirius's life clenched into his right fist. And without even thinking twice about it, Remus knew that Sirius had changed Remus's life as well. Without Sirius, Remus probably would have crawled into a ball of seclusion and allowed his lycanthropic condition to consume him. He would have let his sorrow and grief and self-pity control his life, but Sirius forced him to go beyond this. Sirius made him feel normal. More than that—especially now—Sirius made Remus feel loved and welcomed into a world that often rejected people like him. At this thought, tears welled up in Remus's eyes. He had gone almost his entire life feeling worthless, but when he had met Sirius (as well as James and Peter), his life had become worth living.

Remus finally made it to the dungeons and walked along the corridor where Slytherin House was located when he spotted a small package sitting against the wall. Remus reached down and picked it up and detached the note that was on top of it.

_Time spent away from you is no time worth having. Go to where time ticks greatly to find the last of my expressions of love._

After a flutter in his stomach and a clenching in his heart, Remus opened the package and gasped when he saw what was inside. Inside was a beautiful silver pocket watch on a long silver chain with carvings around the edges. Remus moved the watch between his fingers delicately and when he flipped it over, he saw that there was an inscription on the back.

_May our love only_

_grow with time._

_I love you._

_Sirius_

_Our love_, Remus thought. Not _my love for you_ or _your love for me_, but _our_ love. It was shared and it was beautiful. After a shiver went through his body, he broke into a run toward the clock tower near the Astronomy Tower. He had to get the adrenaline out of his body somehow, so he ran and ran up flights of stairs and through corridors until he reached his destination. Panting heavily, Remus rested his back against the wall right next to the enormous clock and pulled out the note he saw wedged into the side of the clock. This was it. The last of Sirius's notes of love. Although Remus had been overwhelmed by emotion several times during this whole thing, he was now unsure if he wanted it to end. Not because it meant Sirius would stop loving him or telling him why he loved him—Remus was not afraid that this would ever happen at all—but because then Remus would have to face Sirius, and they would have to make a real decision about their future together.

When Remus opened the note, he realized that it was not just a small note this time, but rather a long letter written in Sirius's slanted scrawl. Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he began to read the letter.

_Remus,_

_Nothing I have done—none of the notes, nothing I've said, not the gift I gave you—can ever express how much I truly and deeply love you with all of my heart. Not even this letter will be able to express it enough, although I will try. I love you, Remus. I love you like I've never loved anyone or anything. I'll never know why or how it took me so long to discover my feelings for you, but just know that they are incredibly real. I try to think of when my love for you started, but I can't put a finger on it. I loved you the first time I held your trembling body in my arms after the first transformation after I'd found out you were a you-know-what. I loved you even when you hated me after what we did to Severus two years ago—when you scolded me and told me how awful I was, still, I loved you. I love you every time you laugh at one of my stupid jokes or stupid pranks, and I love you every time you tell me I'm smart and capable even when you and I both know that you're far smarter and more capable than I ever will be, and I should be the one telling you. I love you when you love me unconditionally. I can be insufferable, I know, but despite everything I do that you may not love, you love me anyway. You are the sunshine to my moon, the light to my darkness, the breath of my life, and you'll never understand just how much you mean to me—as a friend, as a man, as everything. I am so sorry for what I did with Francesca, and if you can find it in your too forgiving, too loving heart to forgive me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. No matter what you decide, know that I will always love you. _

_So doth thy Beauty make my lips to fail,__  
><em>_And all my sweetest singing out of tune._

_Forever yours,  
><em>_Sirius_

Tears were streaming down Remus's face and he could not make them stop. He could barely read the last sentences of the letter Sirius had written because his eyes had been too blurred with tears. Remus's hands were shaking and his entire body was trembling. It was too much. He was too overwhelmed by everything that had just happened in such a short span of time. It wasn't just the notes—it was the kisses, the touches, the embraces, the sex—it was everything that had happened since that night that felt so long ago, and it was too much. Suddenly, his knees felt too weak to support his weight, and Remus's head was light right before his legs gave out and he fell into a pair of strong arms.

"All right, there, mate?" Remus heard a voice in his ear whisper. It was not the friendly voice of a concerned spectator, but rather the frantic whisper of a concerned lover.

"Sirius," Remus breathed. He caught his breath and regained his balance right before he turned around and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius's neck. Sirius responded by wrapping his own arms tightly around Remus's waist and pulling Remus close to him. "Sirius," Remus said into Sirius's neck. Sirius rubbed his hands all over Remus's back as Remus pressed his body into Sirius's. Remus mumbled Sirius's name several more times through his sobs before Sirius spoke.

"Shh," he said, still rubbing Remus's back. Remus was shaking and crying due to all of his intense emotions, and Sirius was trying to calm him down. "Is my penmanship really that awful?" Sirius whispered into Remus's ear.

Remus shivered at the feeling of Sirius's breath on his ear, and then he chuckled lightly. "Yes," he said quietly. "But that's not why I'm s-so emotional." Remus finally pulled away from Sirius, but only just enough so that they could look at each other. "E-everything you did, everything you s-said," Remus said with an occasional sob still escaping his throat, "was beautiful."

"I just spoke from the heart," Sirius said with a smile. "Everything was true."

"I kn-know," Remus choked. He leaned his forehead against Sirius's. "That's why it was so incredible."

They stayed with their foreheads leaned against each other's for a while. The sound of Sirius's breathing was soothing for Remus and he allowed his own to fall into a steady rhythm with Sirius's. Finally, Remus spoke again.

"And to think this all started from a stupid game of truth or dare," he said with a smile. Sirius laughed and squeezed Remus even closer to him. "I love you, Sirius," Remus then said. Sirius's head shot up and pulled it away from Remus's so that he could look at him better.

"You do?" he asked shyly. This time, it was his turn for tears to well up in his eyes.

"How can I not?" Remus asked with a slightly tilted head. "You're brave and honest and true to yourself…" Remus paused. "Not to mention you're sexy as hell," he added with a small smile.

Sirius laughed and with a playful grunt, he pulled Remus into a deep kiss. If Remus had not been trembling before, his body was now overcome with tremors. He moaned as Sirius's tongue found Remus's own inside his mouth, and he leaned into Sirius as much as the space would allow. Remus could feel the bulge in Sirius's pants when he pressed against him, causing a bulge to form in his own pants. When Remus slowly grinded his hips against Sirius's, Sirius pulled away and separated his body from Remus's. Without a word, he took Remus by the hand and led them away from the clock tower they were still standing by. Remus did not say anything, but he allowed Sirius to guide him in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

When they made it to the tower and Sirius had practically shouted the password to the Fat Lady, Remus ignored all the eyes on the two of them as Sirius pulled him up to their dormitory. When they got inside, Peter was sitting on his bed reading.

"Pettigrew, out!" Sirius said forcefully. Peter nearly jumped from his skin and stared at the two of them.

"Wha—?"

"Just get out, Peter," Remus said. He was panting from rushing back to the tower so fast.

When Peter noticed the wild look in Sirius's eyes and the somewhat desperate look in Remus's (Peter did not notice the lust in the eyes of either of them), he gathered up his things and made his way toward the door.

"Just don't come back in until we tell you to," Sirius called after him. "And tell Potter the same thing."

When Peter nodded and closed the door behind him, in only a few seconds, Sirius had charmed the door locked and pushed Remus onto his four-poster bed, pinning his arms over his head. Sirius straddled Remus and grinded his hips down onto Remus torturously slow. Remus groaned and tilted his head back against the pillow as he arched into Sirius. Sirius knew he would have to be careful. He was already so aroused, but he wanted to make this last. He continued to just grind against Remus until Remus grunted in frustration and pulled Sirius down to him in a bruising kiss. Their mouths were hungry and searching and it was hard to tell whose tongue was whose.

Sirius reached his hand in between himself and Remus, and when he cupped Remus's bulge in his hands, Remus moaned into Sirius's mouth and pressed his hips up closer to Sirius's hand. Sirius massaged Remus in his hand and Remus moved his hips in time with Sirius's movements. Remus then wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck and pulled Sirius down to him. Remus whispered Sirius's name into his ear as Sirius moved his hand from the outside of Remus's pants to the inside.

At the sound of his name falling out of Remus's mouth, Sirius knew that he had to have Remus. He lifted Remus's shirt over his head, undid Remus's pants quickly, and moved his mouth down to right above the opening in Remus's pants. Remus looked down at Sirius, who was looking right at the spot where the bulge in his pants had formerly been. Once again, Sirius marveled at Remus's size as he slid his tongue along the length of Remus. Remus shuddered, and his body jerked slightly. Sirius was hot all over his body and he noticed the thin glean of sweat on Remus's chest and stomach. Sirius placed a soft kiss on Remus's tip and Remus threw his hands above his head and pressed them against the headboard behind him as he felt the sensation rip through his entire body. Remus was moving his hips in circular motions on the bed, willing Sirius to take him all the way in. Sirius then slipped his mouth over Remus and took Remus deeply into his mouth before he pulled up and away slowly. Remus groaned and opened his eyes that had been shut tightly in pleasure a moment ago.

"Don't tease, Sirius," Remus grunted huskily. Sirius only smiled and kissed Remus's tip again. Remus moaned as tremors went through his body. "Sirius, come on," Remus moaned. Sirius took Remus half way into his mouth and pulled up and away again slowly. This time, however, before he could remove his mouth completely, Remus's hands found the back of his head and he pushed Sirius onto him. Sirius moaned at Remus's forcefulness at the same time Remus released a soft scream and a jerk of the hips. Sirius could feel his own erection pressing hard against the inside of his jeans, begging for release.

Remus clenched his fingers tightly in Sirius's hair and Sirius felt a few of the strands give way as he began a steady motion up and down Remus. Remus was moaning and writhing with pleasure, and the moans were getting progressively louder as he approached his peak. He moaned Sirius's name several times, and when Sirius knew Remus was close, he brought his head all the way down and took Remus to the hilt, sucking tightly. Remus cried out and tightened his hands even more in Sirius's hair as he arched into Sirius and shuddered violently before his body finally relaxed against the bed.

Sirius, however, was not quite finished. He wiped his mouth and with a seductive smile, he pulled Remus's pants off so that he was lying on the bed naked beneath Sirius. Sirius removed his shirt right before he bent over and attacked Remus's mouth with his own. Remus released a breathy moan and wrapped his bare legs around Sirius's body. Sirius grinded his body into Remus's, and Remus moaned into Sirius's mouth as their tongues wound around each other's. Sirius pulled his mouth away from Remus's briefly and put one finger into Remus's mouth. Remus brought his head up off of the pillow slightly and sucked at it greedily. Sirius smiled suggestively at Remus once again and removed the finger before he replaced the finger he'd had in Remus's mouth with his tongue once again. Remus sucked roughly on Sirius's bottom lip, and when Sirius slipped his now wet finger into Remus's entrance, Remus bit down on Sirius's lip and drew a small bit of blood. The brief jolt of pain caused Sirius to grunt in pleasure as he felt his already hardened length throb almost painfully.

As Sirius moved his finger in and out of Remus slowly, Remus whimpered with need, and at that sound, Sirius could wait no longer. He removed his finger and undid his own pants quickly. He pulled his pants just low enough to expose his length and his backside. Sirius placed himself at Remus's entrance after slickening himself up with his own juices. Sirius placed his tip right inside Remus's entrance and Remus begged him to continue.

"Sirius, please…" Remus whispered breathily. Remus placed his hands above his head, and Sirius lifted Remus's legs and wrapped them around Sirius's own body. "I need you, Sirius… now, come on…" As Remus moaned out his pleas, Sirius put his hands on Remus's hips and pulled Remus to him as he slid all the way inside. Remus's head tilted back and his mouth dropped open in ecstasy, and Sirius moaned when he felt Remus's walls clench around him.

"It's so tight," Sirius growled as he began to pump slowly in and out of Remus. Remus moaned at Sirius's words and worked his hips in a circular motion, making sure to meet Sirius's thrusts with his own jerk of the hips. Every time Remus met Sirius's thrust, Sirius grunted loudly and sped up his movements.

"You…" Remus gasped out. "You feel… so good… in… inside me…" He said in time with Sirius's thrusts. "More… more, Sirius, more," Remus moaned over and over. Remus knew he would be sore tomorrow but he did not care. He had never felt elation like this before. He was lost in a swirl of grunts and moans and thrusts and he did not know where his body ended and Sirius's began. Sirius bent down closer to Remus so that he could thrust even harder, and Sirius knew he could not wait much longer. He needed release, and he wanted to fill Remus up. As Sirius perched himself above Remus with one hand, he used the other hand to stroke Remus. Remus's moans reached a fever pitch, and Sirius was sure that people in the common room below would be able to hear, but he didn't care. All he could think about was how much he loved Remus and how good it felt to be this close to him.

Finally, Remus arched his back and shouted Sirius's name as Sirius released a noise that was a hybrid between a loud grunt and a moan followed by a string of curse words. Each of them shook violently as they reached their peaks, and Sirius collapsed onto Remus. When he pulled himself out of Remus, he rolled over onto the bed and pulled Remus into his arms. Remus responded by wrapping his own arms around Sirius's waist and cradling his head against Sirius's chest. For a while, neither of them spoke. They laid there and caught their breath and reveled in the pure joy that they had each just experienced. Sirius's pants were back up, but Remus laid in Sirius's arms without clothes.

"I think everyone in Gryffindor Tower probably heard us," Sirius said softly and playfully into Remus's hair.

"Muffliato," Remus sighed. "I cast it when you were yelling at Peter." Sirius laughed.

"Of course," Sirius said. "You always think ahead." Remus smiled and placed a soft kiss onto Sirius's chest.

"That was incredible, Sirius," he said quietly.

"That's what happens when you're in love," Sirius replied softly. Remus only smiled and kissed Sirius on the chest again right before Sirius said, "I told James everything." Remus looked up at Sirius with a furrowed brow.

"Was he… Okay?" Remus asked nervously.

"Better than I thought, honestly," Sirius said. He smiled and kissed Remus on the nose before Remus buried his face in Sirius's chest again. "He told me not to hurt you," Sirius said gently. Remus looked up again.

"He did?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "What did you say?" Remus said slowly and hesitantly.

"I told him I love you too much to ever see you hurt again," Sirius whispered. After Remus stared at Sirius for a second, he leaned up and captured Sirius's lips with his. Sirius moaned gruffly and responded eagerly to Remus's kiss.

"Promise you won't ever leave me, Sirius," Remus said after he pulled out of the kiss. His voice shook as spoke.

"I promise."


	9. Epilogue: Be My Strength

**Epilogue: Be My Strength**

_Twenty Years Later_

Remus Lupin's breath became somewhat labored as he ascended a grassy hill. The air was crisp and smelled of autumn, and Remus found the gentle breeze soothing. Over the years, Remus had aged more than he should have. His lycanthropy had taken a toll on him, and although he was only in his late thirties, his face had several deep lines and his hair was flecked with gray. His hair blew in the breeze as he finally reached his destination. For a long time, Remus stood still and silent at the top of the hill. He let the wind rustle his hair and nip at his skin. He took several deep breaths in order to take in all of the fresh air. Ever since his youth, this had been his favorite spot, and when he and Sirius had gotten closer, he brought his friend and lover up to this hilltop. During the years when they had been an official couple, this had become their favorite spot during the times when they were not working for the Order of the Phoenix. It was safe and secluded and romantic. They had laughed here and eaten here, they had talked about their dreams here, and they had made love here. It was their spot, and Remus always found himself being drawn to it, even now. After he stayed silent and stoic for a little while longer he took a very deep breath.

"I know I shouldn't be here," Remus said slowly. "It's dangerous… And careless… Not that you ever cared about doing anything dangerous or careless," he said. He had a small smile on his face, but there was a hint of bitterness in his voice. "I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "Things aren't looking very good… Harry is gone, and no one knows where he is… I trust him, though. Dumbledore told me to trust his judgment, and I trust Dumbledore, so I trust Harry." Remus paused and sighed. "I worry about him… Harry, I mean… He reminds me so much of you… So wild and rash, but also brave and loyal and true. He's such a good boy… no… No, he's definitely a man now. You would be so proud of him." Remus's voice caught in his throat and he was silent for another long period of time while he tried to regain his composure.

"I miss you, Sirius," Remus said shakily. He looked down at the headstone that he had created magically for Sirius over a year ago. Although Sirius's body had been lost behind the veil, Remus had decided to come to this spot—their spot—and create a memorial to him. No one knew it was here, but Remus visited as often as he could. The war was raging on, and it was incredibly dangerous for him to be out in such an open area with no back up, but Remus was not concerned. He needed his time with Sirius, and he did not care about the consequences.

Remus continued. "It's just so unfair. I had you, and then I lost you… For twelve years I was separated from you in so many ways… And then when I finally had you again, you were gone." Remus's chin began to quiver and his voice shook with sadness. "I'm not scared, Sirius…" Remus said slowly. "Does that make me a bad person? Does it make me evil because I don't care about dying in this war if that means I can be with you?" Remus paused and sniffed. "I know you wouldn't want that, but I don't care. I just love you so much, and I need you." Remus's voice broke and he began to sob lightly. He stood on the hilltop crying for several moments until he inhaled a deep, shaky breath and spoke again.

"I'm going to have a baby," Remus said quietly. "I haven't told you this yet, but I'm with your cousin Nymphadora now." He sighed and chuckled a bit through his shaking breath. "I don't know… I know it's strange, but she loves me, and she's a comfort… I guess I thought that if I married someone in your family, I would somehow be closer to you… Is that okay?" Remus shrugged and rubbed his eyes briefly. "But we're going to have a baby... I'm terrified, Sirius—of the war, of dying, I have no fear, but of this baby… I can't take care of a baby—I… I'm a werewolf! What if I'm gone too much, or worse… what if I hurt it?" Remus shook his head and stopped talking for a long enough moment to let the breeze pass gently over his skin.

Remus tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He tried to remember a time when he had been here with Sirius. He could almost hear Sirius's laugh in his ears and smell his scent that the wind picked up and brushed into Remus's senses. Remus could feel Sirius's arms around him, and without thinking, he pulled his traveling cloak tighter around his body. He inhaled and exhaled deeply several times before he spoke again.

"You lied to me, Sirius," Remus said quietly. His voice began to shake again and his heart began to beat more quickly. "You—" his voice broke and he began to sob as he continued to speak. "You told me you would n-never l-leave me, Sirius," he said through his sobs. "You told me you loved me and you p-promised you would never leave, and now you're g-gone!" Remus dropped to his knees and clutched the headstone. "I need you, Sirius. I need you back here with me. You left too soon, and it's not f-fair. You said we would g-grow old together, you s-said we would get m-married. You told me two years ago that you wanted to adopt Harry, and I was r-ready! I wanted everything with you, and you l-left. Come back, Sirius!" Remus shouted. He bent over the ground and pounded his fists onto the grass. "Come back! Come back… Come b-back…" He finished quietly and slowly as his voice broke again and his sobs took control of him. For what felt like forever, Remus sat there with his back against Sirius's headstone and his head in his knees, crying. He let every feeling he'd ever had for the past year come out through his tears—the anger, the denial, the self-loathing and self-pity, the grief, and the fear. He let it all wash over him as he sat against Sirius's headstone.

Finally, Remus relaxed and leaned his head back against the headstone. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply for several minutes. Then he pulled out his wand and conjured a bouquet of flowers. He stood up and placed the flowers in front of the grave he had made for Sirius.

"Be my strength, Sirius," he whispered. "I need you now more than ever." He squatted down and placed his lips gently on the headstone. He then stood up again and said, "I will always love you," before he turned and walked back down that grassy hill.


End file.
